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european kalevala

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kalevala by:
Sylvia Petter

In no c/senc/se

Europe old new old news now new
Could do now more than new can do
Can be wannabe new to do.
Europe could show new way to be
Be French German English and more
More is hope and less is no thing
For no (wo) man an is(le) land be
All though na(y)tions do so pre-tend.
So as children let us now be
In no c/senc/se we gaze ahead then.

comment by teacher

Quite some achievement! Fun to decipher.

Either do away with all spelling conventions (particularly with capitalization) or stick to them. As it is now it is inconsistent, it all looks as if not properly worked out, which is a pity because it is a lovely text.
What I again miss is – since you are contributing to a Kalevala class – some effort at alluding to both the form and content of the Finnish epic.

For purely linguistic reasons I am not convinced by verse 3:
"Europe wants new to do." The concept of “damaged language” – fine, but does it really work here? It is again a question of unity. You are, are you not, running together two, maybe even three, thoughts: 1) Europe can be new; Europe wants/intends to do new things; 3) Europe wants to be new.
It might be worth the effort to re-write the verse without sacrificing (too much of) the original idea.

There is, I think, no need for “as” in the penultimate verse.
Taking the lead from your method I would write: “So children let us no(w) be”

Once again: great fun! Congrats.

2nd try / Sylvia / 21.09.2006 08:23
Thanks for your feedback, Peter. It is a very difficult exercise - I feel like a juggler trying to keep the different plates spinning. So her goes with a rewrite.


in no c/senc/se

states old/new are reviewing
to find brand new ways of doing
so that europe new things can do
can show new directions to go
and be german english and more
more is hope and less is no thing
for no (wo) man is an is(le) land
all though na(y)tions do so pre-tend.
so children let us now be
and in no c/senc/se gaze ahead.

AW: 2nd try / kalevala-en / 30.10.2006 20:19
Juggling - a fine image for what you are doing.
You introduced some new plates, former ones been lost. Slightly more disciplined now. The first line´s been dumped/smashed to pieces (if that´s the correct imge), more´s the pity.